Confessions of a Lie Detector: years of theft, sex, and murder by Jim Wygant

Author:Jim Wygant [Wygant, Jim]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Lycetta Press
Published: 2011-11-22T04:30:00+00:00

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If self-defense is the most common reason for trying to hide the truth, probably the second most common is an effort to avoid conflict. This results in the “white lie,” in which the liar is not accused of anything but recognizes that a truthful answer or comment will have unpleasant consequences. When a woman asks “do these pants make my butt look bigger” no honorable man who silently agreed with that suggestion would ever give voice to it. There is nothing to be gained and much to be lost. Most men would recognize that the purpose of the question is not to elicit an honest evaluation but rather to invite a compliment. A truthful answer, if it were to agree with the prospect that the person filling the pants does have a large spread in the rear, would only be hurtful and likely lead to an extended period of unpleasantness. It’s much easier, more polite, and more considerate to simply say “no,” without regard to the truth.

It is not only women who pose such questions. Men often engage in the same search for compliments, but often disguise their purpose as statements rather than questions. For instance, if a man says “I got my project in the basement finished” he is not simply stating a fact. If his wife were to reply “after two years, it’s about time” nothing positive would be accomplished. Most fair-minded women would not make that kind of remark, for the same reasons that a man is less than truthful when questioned about his wife’s appearance. The man, like the woman in the pants, is soliciting a compliment. Polite and considerate social interaction suggests agreement.

In either case, there is a desire to avoid conflict, partly because the issue is trivial and the harm from a negative response would be far greater than any good that might come from it.

These are spoken deceits. In the realm of attempts to avoid conflict we also encounter lies of omission. Those are not spoken. They are the secrets that we carry, the silence we maintain, when someone says something that we know we should correct, something about which we conceal contrary information.

The father asks his teenaged son, “Where did you go last night?”

The son answers, “I went over to Jason’s and we played video games.” He omits some details he knows his father would not like to hear. He doesn’t mention that they went from Jason’s home to a party where he drank too much alcohol and then drove his car across a nearby golf course, leaving tire ruts that pointed accusingly toward his home.

At work, an employee is told by her supervisor that money is missing from the petty cash drawer. The employee doesn’t mention that she saw her friend getting something out of that drawer.

In a relationship, a man comes home late after an evening out without his partner. “What did you do?” the other person asks. “Nothing much. Just met a couple of the guys, had a few drinks, swapped a few stories.

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